Pintrest and My Wedding

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Pintrest and My Wedding

I recently had to join Pintrest. I swear, I didn’t really want to add another online/social media time-suck to my life but I need to get familiar with it because my job wants to launch a page for our website and it’ll be my job to manage it. So, I signed up and started creating Boards and Pinning.

And then I ran into the wedding boards.

I found so many things that I loved! Ideas about centerpieces and places; images of gifts and dresses…It made me all excited and hopeful and doing the “someday…” talk. I know, you may not have realized how much of a girly-girly sap I am but the gig is up. I’m a cynical romantic. Go figure.

However, I just couldn’t bring myself to set up a Wedding board. And while I tried to tell myself I was being practical: Good Lord, I’m a 40 year old divorcee. I actually felt foolish: Lord, I’m a 40 year old divorcee…

Later, I felt this nudge of Are we going to talk about this? 

No. I mean, what’s to talk about? I’m 40, divorced and not even in the zip code of dating someone much less getting married! At this rate, I’ll be this lady when (if?) I ever get married again.

Now, I find this image and idea very sweet—for her. However, I cringe at the idea of how old I could be by the time I finally get around to a second marriage.

Stephanie, let’s talk about this…

NO! And a lot of accusations that started with You promised… poured out of the tightly-closed glass jars I keep in my heart. You promised…

… to protect my heart. So WHY has every “Christian” man You’ve allowed in my life thrown me out like trash?

… I was forgiven. Am I being punished for my past?

… I was pretty. Because lately I really feel like a fat lesbian; And You know I’m not into girls.

… I’d be loved (by a man) in this life. Yes, You are enough, but You have confirmed that I am created to be a wife and mother and surrounded by family…

You promised!

And then I was reminded of Margot wanting a car at 4 years old. She had gotten a Barbie Volkswagen Bug for Christmas or her birthday or something and she LOVED it. She knew that she was going to have one just like it: pink with flower decals and a “vase” to hold flowers in sitting on the dash. She had dreams about all the exotic places she was going to go in it, like France and DisneyWorld. It was the symbol of her future life.

So, when she came to me wanting to know when her Bug would arrive, I teasingly said, It’s gonna be awhile… she was not amused. In fact, she was very, very serious and informed me that I was not funny. Sweetie, you’re 4. You have to be 16 to drive a car. It doesn’t make sense to give you something you can’t use yet.

But you promised! was the response and it was followed by stomping off into her room was accompanied by a serious silent treatment. She really does come by it all honestly.

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So, am I going to put up a Wedding board on Pintrest? I don’t know. It’s really not the point of what God wanted to show me. For Jesus, He used the Pintrest tantrum to show me I need to see some things, remember some things and let go of a lot of things. I also know that He isn’t a liar and His promises are true.

So, until then (because my VW Love Bug will come eventually) I will love Him, attend to what He has put in this season of my life to manage and know that while His time is not mine, it is the right time. After all, it doesn’t make any sense to give me something I am not ready to drive yet.

** A little disclaimer. It has taken me over a week to write this blog. The idea of writing it has made me feel very exposed. As you read it, I hope you know my goal is not to receive compliments or affirmation or whatever. I’m trying to, one, be obedient to what He puts on my heart to write. And, two, hope that my experience will encourage someone who is also struggling with this. **

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5 responses »

  1. Soooo glad you wrote this. I too have seen the wedding boards and wanted to repin a lot of it! I am singing the same song except my refrain is, “Good Lord I am a 45 single never been married childless woman!” And the fat lesbian thing? Yeah except I was accused by a family member. And when I went through several boyfriends this same person called me a *bleep*. They ought to know that I looooves me some men. In fact used to be my problem! So anyway, I didn’t want to create a board and look desperate since every time I mention that I would like to be married, am tired of being celibate and or I am getting dismayed waiting on my hubby to arrive (and hoping that God does send one), I get sympathy looks, scripture, accused to being desperate and impatient (impatient- yes, desperate- no), etc. But i love wedding stuff. I love wedding shows and have had a wedding book since I was in college. I’ve even planned my three almost weddings after three failed ghetto engagements. I want to play wedding board but what is stopping me? Folks. I usually don’t give a rats bum about what people think or say about me but here is apparently where that changes. So do I give everyone the finger and post my board anyway? I dunno but I will if you will! LOL

  2. I think that is the big lie that I’m listening to: people will find me pathetic. Seriously, since when do I care about what people say? But, I do in this area… And why can a man be single at 40 (or 45 or 50) and it be ok or even be considered godly for a man but sad for a woman? Don’t you love it when God reveals the “stuff”? Yeah, me either 😉

    • Good post, lotsa truth. Teeeeeny perspective shift for ya’ to consider, though… Having never been a forty or fifty year old single woman, I can’t speak to that experience from a first person viewpoint. I can say that personally, when I meet a single person of either gender, of that age, I dont make any distinction concerning their value, godliness, etcetera, as it relates to either of those categories. I can, however, say that I’ve never met a single fortyish woman denied children’s ministry opportunity because of her gender, nor does anyone bat an eye if she becomes an ‘auntie’ to several kids and spends time mentoring them. Do not mistake this perspective shift for my being disgruntled- I am very gruntled in this season of my life, more gruntled than I ever recall. But I am just sayin’ that from my point of view, being a single , never married forty something male doesn’t carry all the accolades normally associated with a trifecta!

      of any single fortyish women

      • As always, I appreciate the perspective shift. And your experience is very valid–and frustrating. Why can’t we just live in Christ’s expectations of us instead of man’s? And why do we PUT expectations on others (you should be married, you should have had kids by now, only a woman [or a man] can do that job…) that aren’t God-centered? * sigh *

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