I woke up about 15 minutes before church started yesterday. Ok, that’s not true, I woke up hours before it started and refused to get out of bed. It was a baby dedication Sunday and * sigh * I just loathe them. I know, I’m a terrible person.
I spent the morning justifying why I should be able to get to stay in bed. And all He said was, “I have something for you there.” Now, hear me when I say this, when He speaks it is always in love. I may have a sassy mouth and pissy attitude, however HE does not. He states the truth and lets me respond.
Fine. I’ll go…
There’s on time and then there’s Vineyard time, so I was only a couple minutes late. I came in, sat down, greeted my beloved church family with waves and smiles, and then I saw the communion table. Ugh.
I’m just not in a “right” place to take it today, I announce to Him in my head.
Worship was great and the baby dedication began (enter eye roll here). Try as I might, I got caught up in the babies. So sweet and jabbery; I get totally sucked-in in spite of myself. As I was scanning the crowd in front of me (because you know I was sitting in the back third), I caught the smiling face of someone and was overwhelmed by sadness.
He showed me the sad heart behind the smiling face of a woman in our congregation. This baby dedication is hard on her and her hurt and sadness makes our God very sad. To be shown, trusted, with an insight into God’s heart or the heart of one of His beloved is a precious gift and honor. And while I can be a brat, I do take it seriously when He shows me something.
I am unworthy to know such things. Please forgive my attitude. I will pray… but I’m still not taking communion.
Then our message was on the Eucharist. You can hear it here. It was passionate and gut-wrenchingly honest. It was awesome—and at the end, I was the first one at the table.
After church, another friend told me the thing he had asked prayer for God moved in speed to deal with that week. He thanked me for praying (like I said, I really am good for it).
And off we all went to finish our weekends.
God is faithful. I mean, I obeyed going to church but we all know I was pissy about it. And even in the midst of my attitude, He still came through on what He said: I have something for you. He had something to show me, something to teach me and something to encourage me. And I didn’t deserve a damn one of them. Thankfully, this faith thing is about Him and His character, not me and mine.
His heart is ALWAYS that He would rather love me than “teach me a lesson” (even if I deserve it). His love is so deep that He would rather have me (even if I am being pissy and stubborn) than not at all.
Oh, and here is the other kicker. Had I chosen to stay home, He’d have stayed with there too. I’d have missed out on what He wanted to share with me but I would NOT have been withheld His presence.
He is so, so good.
What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?