Day 3 of the fast. It was preoccupied with the tragic earthquake and tsunami that hit Japan and the South Pacific. I intentionally took time to stay hungry and use that as a cue to pray–which I needed while trying to get a lot of work done.
In the evening I went shopping for groceries–I’m determined to meal plan better. However, I was a little surprised by the alone-ness I felt. I don’t mean loneliness which to me is feeling sad at being alone or without human companionship, I mean being alone.
As the night drew on the alone got very big. And at one point I felt Jesus happily request I go worship and pray and read. That I come spend quality time with Him. It’s been a long time since we had a date.
But I didn’t.
I just sat. Alone.
Now, I prayed (well, expressed my feelings to Him about how I was feeling which is just half of praying the other half, listening, I didn’t do). I did not go to the place where I knew He’d respond.
I don’t have a good reason why I didn’t, I just didn’t. Now as is His character, He never left me; I felt Him there, He heard me. He was waiting. I just didn’t walk to Him.
And He showed me I do this with others in my life too. I will express my need/desire but not follow through. And He used my failed marriage as the example.
He reminded me of times I did this with my ex-husband–I didn’t make the move toward him when he’d finally extend the invitation because I felt the effort was half-hearted or too late. I missed opportunities at healing and reconciliation because I was stubborn or worse, would rather stay wounded.
So, today I will make the time to be alone with Him. I’ve gotten out of the habit of it. My daily life is always filled with Christian music and talking to Him. But that’s not what this is. Jesus and I need a date: an intentional and intimate time that is just about us.
When was your last Jesus date?